remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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