I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
