i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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