Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
