My nipple is on Facebook.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
