Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
