The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
