i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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