we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
