The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
