All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
