I can text with my tongue
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Panties = found
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
