My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
