Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
