she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
