You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My bed smells like the plague
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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