I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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