ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
