I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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