My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
