i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
