she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
