make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
