I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she smelled like a LAN party
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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