glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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