dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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