Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
as a side note pls kill me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
