That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
