What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
