True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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