I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
