i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
