He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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