my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
