Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
