I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
