Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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