In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
