He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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