Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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