I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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