I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
