we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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