bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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