Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
