those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Who died my cat blue again?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
