so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
