i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your cock deserves a montage
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
