dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
