you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
