hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
