Welp...herpes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
